


Things the P4 and Phantom Five Totally Said(On Hold)

by blue_assassin



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: But I'm really really really reeeeaaalllyyy sad about that, Canon Divergence where Agni lives, Crack, Funny, He's not in this, Incorrect Quotes, Irreverent Handling of Canon, M/M, Phantom Five, Prefect Four, Silly, or Starlight Four, so I'm making this known, whichever you prefer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:07:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28949400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_assassin/pseuds/blue_assassin
Summary: It's in the title, mates. Get ready for some serious randomness XD
Relationships: Cheslock & Edward Midford & Joanne Harcourt & Clayton & Soma Asman Kadar, Cheslock/Edward Midford, Edgar Redmond & Gregory Violet & Herman Greenhill & Lawrence Bluewer, Edgar Redmond/Gregory Violet
Comments: 14
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Cheslock: Why stop at Capitalism. Destroy everything.  
~*~  
Soma: Guys, it's been three weeks since I've last eaten a vegetable...  
~*~  
Greenhill: At least we have memes to dull the pain of existence.  
~*~  
Bluewer: *stressed out from end of term exams* Oh my gosh I thought seven was less than six!  
~*~  
Cheslock: *filling a waterbottle cap with water* SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS  
~*~  
Redmond: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you-  
Violet: Yes.  
~*~  
Harcourt: *trying to be badass* I'M GONNA GO HOME AND DRINK A WHOLE GLASS OF WEED!!!  
~*~  
Redmond: If cows ruled the world, would they drink human milk?  
~*~  
Redmond: My calculator's broken!  
Bluewer: You're calculator's not broken, You're broken  
~*~  
Violet: So like, how far do you think the distance is from this window to the ground?  
Cheslock: *closes window* Enough.  
~*~  
Teacher: Has anyone been to New Orleans?  
Harcourt: Does Popeye's count?  
~*~  
Cheslock: The word count on this paper isn't high, but I certainly am ;)  
~*~  
Violet: I'm in adult limbo. I'm not a teenager, I'm not an adult. I'M SUFFERING, THAT'S WHAT I AM!!  
~*~  
Redmond: Look at my *swings leg up on table to reveal shorts* not pants

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home.

Cheslock: *throws book at teacher*

Teacher: Who threw that???

Cheslock: Me! I'm going home!

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edward: *not understanding Violet cos who even does?* You're a psychopath! Violet: I prefer creative. Cheslock: *riding on a skateboard dragging a dead body behind them* _I'm _a psychopath.__


	2. Chapter 2

Redmond: *to his haters* I am beautiful, you are not. I'm the princess, you're the thot ;3  
~*~  
Cheslock: *on a bad day* *storms into room where the rest of the squad is sitting and points to Edward* With the exception of you, I hate everyone in this room.  
~*~  
Cheslock: What are you doing awake right now?  
Violet: Celebrating the death of my sleep schedule and sanity. Want a cookie?  
~*~  
Greenhill: Let's play a game, it's called Us, Violet, Poetry. I tell you something Redmond has said and you have to guess if he was talking about us, Violet specifically, or his sappy poetry.

Bluewer: Psh, that'll be easy. Sure.

Greenhill: Okay, first one: I love you. You complete me.

Bluewer: …  
~*~  
Harcourt: Darn right, I abuse drugs! I see drugs and I beat the heck out of them! Get lost drugs!  
~*~  
Sebastian: What on earth happened here?

Harcourt: It was Cheslock!

Clayton: It was Cheslock..

Edward: It was Cheslock.

Soma: It was Cheslock!

Cheslock: It was Cheslock

Cheslock: …Shit.  
~*~  
Soma: I lost a bet and got crippled llamas tattooed on my toes...  
~*~  
Cheslock: Those mini chainsaws were non-refundable too :(  
~*~  
Clayton: So, technically I don't know about humans much...  
~*~  
Harcourt: What am I, freaking flower pollen spawn???  
~*~  
Edward: I say purple is a smell.  
~*~  
Violet: Is sod off an emotion? Cos I feel that in my soul.  
~*~  
Bluewer: HYDRATE OR DIEDRATE!!!

Violet: Why is Bluewer throwing water bottles and yelling at us?

Greenhill: I think he's trying to scream mental health and well being into us...

Bluewer: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!!!

Redmond: *sobbing: It's working  
~*~  
Redmond: Words that end in 'ie' are so adorable! Cutie, cookie, sweetie...

Greenhill: Eyyyy! Homie!!!

Bluewer: But the there's selfie and tie that are just normal.

Violet: You're forgetting die.  
~*~  
Edward: *to Cheslock* CAN YOU NOT RUIN MY VIBE  
Edward: FOR FIVE MINUTES????  
~*~  
Soma: Do you ever eat a whole bean and cheese burrito cold and wonder what you're doing with your life?

~*~  
Redmond: You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?

Violet: *drawing* Mhm, telll me about it.

Redmond: I murdered Greenhill last night.

Violet: I feel that.

Redmond: I have competely insatiable need for bloodshed and now I can't stop killing.

Violet: Oh yeah, been there.


	3. A/N

Hello, wonderful people! First off, thank you so much to all the people who have bookmarked, commented, Kudoed, or even just read this crack bit so far! Your support means the world to me! <3 However, I have a bit of sad news. Life, as it tends to do, pulled a fast one on me this past week, and so I'm not going to have very much time to get on Ao3 to update. I'll try to get back as soon as possible, but we'll see...

Ciao, my dears! And molto grazi!  
-Blue


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